I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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