Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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