Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
