also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
