i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
