Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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