I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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