I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
