he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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