Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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