i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
