Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize