In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
