:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
