too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
