Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
