i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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