Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
