The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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