Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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