i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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