I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
