we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
