I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
