im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just high enough for therapy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
