When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
