I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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