i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
