I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
