you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
