I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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