Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
