You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
