you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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