i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
