As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
