i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
