Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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