There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
