I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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