Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
