You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
