I look better un-naked...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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