It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
