Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
