i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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