don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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