I've blown a few things in my day
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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