I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
