Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
