I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
