I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
