i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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