you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
