I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I will die if light touches me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
