The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
