someone get that fucking seahorse.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
