i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
