I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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