We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
