I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
