my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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