So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
