he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
